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3 Types of Bonds Between Parents and Children

Jun 01, 2019

There are different types of connection between parents and children. Some are great, but unfortunately, some are painful.

I've been observing this systematically for the past 10 years in my practice and research, and I've come to realize there are three basic types of bonds, or connections, between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons.

One of them is natural, and it's the type of bond we need to fulfill our destinies. It's the natural bond in which

the parent cares for the child as Nature intended.

In this natural, healthy bond, the mother connects with the daughter, passes her strength to her, gives her her life force and aligned energy, and the result is a beautiful mother-daughter connection.

It seems pretty obvious, right?

The mother validates the daughter as a daughter - end of the story. 

Unfortunately, however, many of us have been wounded in our childhoods without realizing it. Precisely in this "natural bond" aspect. And this mother-daughter or father-son wound is highly subconscious.

This is not a judgment of character, by the way. No one does this on purpose - it's deeply unconscious behavior. Sometimes women or men are wounded in their childhoods, and they don't solve their problem with their father or mother - so when it's their turn to become a parent, they

compensate for it with their own children unconsciously turning them into the nurturing figures their parents were not.

What do I mean by this? Let's use the example of mothers and daughters.

In one type of "confusing connection", or "distorted bond", the mother did not get enough nurturing from her own mother, so she expects her daughter to be a source of emotional care.

The daughter then takes the place of the nurturing figure for her mother, "inverting" the flow of Life.

For a deeper understanding of this dynamic, click here

In another pattern, the mother sees a daughter as a rival. This happens because unconsciously she believes there's not enough love to go around for everyone in the family, and her child will take away from her what is, in her subconscious mind, already scarce.

So the mother already feels insecure and unfulfilled in her own life, and when she has a daughter, she may feel that the daughter's "threatening" her bond with her husband - the child's father. So she "levels" with the daughter and treats her as a rival without realizing it.

When mothers and daughters fight, it isn't natural.

There's interference of distorted beliefs and painful past experiences in the mother-daughter relationship, and it can be addressed if the person is willing to engage in a process of personal growth.

Nature intended mothers and daughters to be in a loving connection, in which the mother cares for the daughter.

This is the natural, beautiful bond.

Under other circumstances, there's the "distorted bond" in which mother and daughter are in inverted positions, and the daughter nurtures the mother.

Then, there's another distorted bond, which is a rivalry.

This happens when there's conflict and the mother doesn't see the daughter as a daughter, she sees her as "equal", on her "level", as a rival. And vice-versa, because in this situation, the daughter sees the mother as a "villain", always in competition. 

When there's a rivalry between mothers and daughters, the daughter feels confused. Although this distorted relationship is highly unconscious, in the Constellation perspective

it's always the parent's responsibility to bring emotional health to their children, and the more a parent works on himself or herself, the more the child benefits.

There's yet another situation, which is not really a bond when the mother is so tired from her own inner turmoil that she doesn't "see" the daughter - she doesn't acknowledge the daughter's emotional needs and has no energy for her.

In this case,

the daughter feels abandoned,

because there's no real "bond". This is more of a  "disconnection", or "weak" connection.

So there are actually four ways to observe a mother-daughter connection - three ways of connecting and one "disconnection".

And the reason I'm bringing this up today is because

there is always hope for healing, and every day we wake up to a new reality.

So if you have a wonderful relationship with your mother, cherish it because the key to every woman's life is her mother.

And the key to every man's life is his father.


So what I said about women and in the mother-daughter relationship goes from men as well, it goes for fathers and sons.

And since there's always hope for healing,

we can choose to heal our relationships. 

So if you have a great relationship with your mom, cherish it and create more love in that connection. If not, make a commitment to healing anything that isn't right - if you fight with your mother, that's not natural, and you can heal it. There's some sort of interference that needs to be released, and it can be addressed in soul healing sessions and family constellations.

And if you have this kind of problem, I suggest you start addressing it today, because

the quality of your life is very dependent on the health of your relationships with your parents.


If you feel abandoned, there is a way to heal it, too, if you take responsibility and do your work.

If you feel like there is a rivalry between you and your mother, and you're fighting with her, this is literally an adjustment in the "geometry of the soul" that needs to happen.

If there's an inversion, if your mother behaves more like a daughter and you behave more like her mother, start working on yourself to realign these energies so that life can flow naturally

Now it's your turn - how do you feel about this knowledge, and what improvements can happen in your life, or the lives of your loved ones, regarding mother-daughter relationships, or father-son relationships?

Let's hear you in the Comments Area below!

Thank you so much for being here, and I'll see you soon!

Love always,




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